As I lie here writing this, I am also menstruating, that’s a nice way of saying that everything south of my navel is cramping (including my feet) and I’m desperately trying not to make a bloody mess all over the bed.
Today is a heavy flow day for me and things are a bit awkward. I’m only using a pad right now because my flow is heavy enough that I would bleed through the tampon within an hour or a clot would clog it and force me to change it anyway.
I have some fairly bad PTSD from being molested as a child and I have a narrow vagina so tampons are somewhat problematic. I can use the regular size ones as long as I get the kind with the plastic applicator, but I can’t use Supers or cardboard applicators because they cause me discomfort. Too many tampon changes can also cause me discomfort (please read the word discomfort as an intensely unpleasant pinching sensation in my nethers that takes 30 minutes to an hour to dissipate).
Most of the time I buy the ultrathin overnight pads and it’s no big deal, but I let someone else grab them and they got the regular ultrathins instead, since pads and tampons are a bit expensive I’m using them up to avoid wasting the money. That’s one thing no one ever mentions about menstruation-the cost.
Now that I’ve painted a picture of the present, allow me to take you back to the past and explain a few things, I promise I’ll try to keep it funny.
The best place to start is always at the beginning, and the beginning of my period is usually fairly predictable for me. I have a fantastic early warning system, better than NOAA’s by a long shot.
I know my flow is coming about 10 days out, not because I have an app for that, though I do, but because I have out of this world PMS. I don’t generally get a ton of mood swings, usually I magically get a cold out of nowhere, my breasts get tender, I get motion sick more easily, am more sensitive to bright lights and cold and I get food cravings.
I crave proteins and carbohydrates like mad- one day I ate a whole medium philly cheesesteak pizza and was still starving. I could go to a buffet and pile my plate with meats, potatoes, pasta and dark green veggies like broccoli, spinach and kale- even get thirds and still not be satisfied… Pre-period hunger is no joke.
With all those portents of impending doom, it’s hard for my period to start without me being aware, especially since I start getting cramps a day or two ahead of time. Seriously, I’ve worn pads to bed just in case to make sure I don’t wake up to a bloody bed. Usually though, I’m lucky and I happen to be well prepared.
As a planner, I find being well prepared is very helpful in dealing with my period. I keep midol, pads and tampons in 3 different locations: my bathroom, my car, and my purse. That way, I almost always have what I need available to me. When I start getting the first symptoms of PMS, I check my supplies and purchase more if I need them. I also re-stock my purse and my car.
So, when my period actually starts, I usually have insomnia for the first 2 nights. On nights I have to work the next day, I usually drug myself to sleep using either edibles or an OTC sleep aid. The following 2 days, I’m usually really groggy and have trouble staying awake. I usually also have no appetite so I pretty much live on water, coffee and tea with a few light proteins thrown in.
During my period my body pretty much attacks itself, my balance is really bad, my proprioception is terrible and my strength is at about half. I have a very physical job so this is a massive inconvenience for me. I have to work around my physical limitations and my brain is foggy from the disturbed sleep/ eating patterns so things are 10 times more difficult and more frustrating.
I’m currently going to school for massage therapy, which presents its own period related problems. Part of the school experience is giving as well as receiving bodywork.
The biggest issues I face are avoiding bleeding on the massage table, having to keep my underwear on during full body sessions (which limits the work that can be done on me somewhat), and possible odor issues. I solve the bleeding issue by putting in a tampon and putting a fresh pad on before getting bodywork done. It minimizes the possibility of leakage and lessens the odors. I also make sure my partner for class is aware so they will drape me correctly and I use dark colored sheets to help mask any bleeding that may occur.
In general, despite having clots the size of a quarter, colossal cramps and super long-lived PMS, I cope fairly well. I feel a lot of it is due to having good strategies in place.
I bought a showerhead with a hose attachment, which makes cleaning myself easier, and I usually shave my bikini line and trim the rest a day before my period starts.
I always prep my fresh underwear with a pad before I get in the shower and I get a tampon ready beforehand if I’m using tampons that day, this way I can dry off while standing in the shower and avoid blood on my floors and carpets. I don’t mind washing a towel… they bleach and it’s far easier than a rug.
When I travel to others or stay the night outside of my apartment, I always take a ziploc with me to use as a receptacle for used pads/tampons it keeps the odor controlled until I can discreetly dispose of them.
I also keep edibles, chocolate and a hot water bottle on hand to combat the worst as much as I can. There are also disposable menstrual heating pads that work with your body heat and act like a hot water bottle for up to 8 hours. They’re a bit expensive, but totally worth it when I need to get through the work day, can’t take edibles and midol isn’t enough.
Sometimes the best relief is simply sitting on the toilet and letting the clots flow out though… or soaking in the tub. Through it all, I’m always trying to make jokes or sharing shark week memes because humor makes the situation more bearable.
It’s not everyone’s situation, but this is the reality for me and the side you don’t see.
#PeriodProblems
#MenstruationMatters
<a href="https://menstruationmatters.atosubbee.com/" rel="nofollow" title="Go to Menstruation Matters" target="_blank"><img src="https://menstruationmatters.atosubbee.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/badge-menstruation-matters.png" alt="Menstruation Matters" style="border:none; max-width:100%;" /></a>
Switchtastic 
I wish I were as organised as you! I have pads and tampons everywhere except where I need them when I need them! My cycle is irregular as are the PMS signs. Most months I get very sore breasts, this month I had nothing at all but a heavier than normal period which caught me completely by surprise *rolls eyes*.
*hugs* having an irregular cycle makes being organized super hard. I am lucky that things are pretty regular for me and always have been except for when I was on birth control and a few months after I got off of it. Most of the PMS evolved through my use of birth control, one even gave me morning sickness symptoms so I kept pregnancy tests in with my period supplies because I was more sexually active at the time and couldn’t tell the difference. Now its been so long since I’ve had ejaculate near my reproductive organs that I don’t need the extra reassurance lol.